the lost art of intuition

It's funny how some people seem to gain more intuition as they get older, and others bury what intuition they have under miles and miles of rubble. There are always two dilemmas: should one think from the head or from the heart? And should one act from the head or from the heart? The great thing about watching most little kids is that the second between thought and action is almost instantaneous. It's later in life that we tend to think too much and act too little, or vice versa.

There are always so many expectations to deal with. Expectations of who you think you ought to be. Expectations of who others think you ought to be. It's true that some people ignore this and just do their own thing. It's also true that many other people lose the real 'I' or cover it under layers of self-doubt and extreme risk-aversion. In some way, we all want to go back into our childhoods because we were so carefree and blindly happy. Converesly, we're also pulled in the other direction to make something of ourselves, to posess wisdom and sophistication.

Change is difficult, and I'm not sure that change is good. Is it right to force yourself to be someone who you think you should be, especially if you think there are parts of the original you is flawed? Or is that just tampering with cogs in a machine that rotates perfectly naturally without a helping hand? If we just leave it alone and go with the flow, are we going to be happier and better off? Or are we just going to be bums lying on the sidewalk under cardboard boxes?

We (Most of us) want to be better people and better at what we do. But if all we do is make small steps in improving things and everything is relative, then what's the point? Am I ever going to have a moment where I feel completely satisfied with who I am and what I've accomplished? Am I going to suddenly feel the piece that controls every other piece click into place? Or am I just going to keep on asking questions my entire life? That's not entirely a bad thing, but am I ever going to be satisfied?