1. Your potential friend (male) asks you (male) if you wear long-sleeve shirts to cover up your arm hair.
2. When you try to sit across the table from your potential friend, he shifts so that he's sitting next to you and explains that he needs his space and can't make direct eye contact with you.
3. Your potential friend thinks that you're his weekly ESL teacher.
4. You accidently get at least 50 calls and incoherent messages a day from your new friend who can't figure out how to work his cell phone and your name just conveniently happened to be Aardvark.
5. Your potential friend has a habit of spitting all over people's faces when he's drunk.
6. Your potential friend asks you why you don't shower. When you retort that you shower twice a day, he promptly tells you that his kids won't have clean water because of you.
7. When you joke about wanting to see what your potential friend's classes are like, he emails you his entire schedule complete with suggestions.
8. While at lunch with your potential friend, he tells you that his father once told him that there are only two things in life that men should handle with their hands, chickens and women.
9. Your potential friend calls you to invite you over to his apartment to watch the super bowl. Ten minutes later, he calls you back and tells you that there's no more space at his place.
10. You can't decide whether or not to start a conversation with a guy, mainly because he's been standing over the serving tray of sausages for the last twenty minutes, has two sausages sticking out of his mouth, and is glancing around to see whether anyone notices him.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
10 signs that your date might be doomed
1. You met several times at the allergist's clinic before going on a date.
2. Your date is an ex-almost-pro football player who weighs three times more than you do and has a jealous girlfriend who weighs twice as much as you.
3. Your date (female) thinks that you (male) are a homosexual.
4. Your date brings you to a two hour long Hebrew service and you don't speak Hebrew.
5. At an ice-cream parlor, your date (female) orders two scoops of chocolate and you (male) order one small scoop of mango sorbet. She then stares at your sorbet and comments, "It's light and fruity, kind of like you."
6. Your date asks if you would ever consider dating someone twice your age... (See 7)
7. Your date asks you if it would bother you if you dated someone with kids your age.. (See 6)
8. You break the ice with facts about dieting before your date informs you that she used to be anorexic.
9. You're watching a movie with your date about the African-American experience (neither of you are African-American). Ten minutes into the movie, she turns to you and loudly asks you why everyone in the movie is black and all of the black people in the theater (everyone) turn around to look at both you.
10. Your date enthusiastically picks off all of the croutons in your salad without asking you first.
2. Your date is an ex-almost-pro football player who weighs three times more than you do and has a jealous girlfriend who weighs twice as much as you.
3. Your date (female) thinks that you (male) are a homosexual.
4. Your date brings you to a two hour long Hebrew service and you don't speak Hebrew.
5. At an ice-cream parlor, your date (female) orders two scoops of chocolate and you (male) order one small scoop of mango sorbet. She then stares at your sorbet and comments, "It's light and fruity, kind of like you."
6. Your date asks if you would ever consider dating someone twice your age... (See 7)
7. Your date asks you if it would bother you if you dated someone with kids your age.. (See 6)
8. You break the ice with facts about dieting before your date informs you that she used to be anorexic.
9. You're watching a movie with your date about the African-American experience (neither of you are African-American). Ten minutes into the movie, she turns to you and loudly asks you why everyone in the movie is black and all of the black people in the theater (everyone) turn around to look at both you.
10. Your date enthusiastically picks off all of the croutons in your salad without asking you first.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Juicy's Quotes
Babel:
"I'd hate to be stuck in Afghanistan with a bullet."
March Madness:
"I'm not in the pool. I don't know anything about football."
TV:
"You watch Law and Order:SUV?"
Physics and Wheelchairs:
"Isn't Stephen Hawking that guy who used to play superman? I thought his name was Stephen Stocking."
Obesity:
"Poor people are genetically disposed to be fat."
Oregon:
"Are you going on the Oregon trail with those covered wagons and oxen? How are you going to cross the rivers with those oxen? And watch out for those indians. They'll shoot arrows at you."
Atheism:
"Does that mean you hate God?"
Crime:
"The guy got his wallet stolen and knocked up."
"I'd hate to be stuck in Afghanistan with a bullet."
March Madness:
"I'm not in the pool. I don't know anything about football."
TV:
"You watch Law and Order:SUV?"
Physics and Wheelchairs:
"Isn't Stephen Hawking that guy who used to play superman? I thought his name was Stephen Stocking."
Obesity:
"Poor people are genetically disposed to be fat."
Oregon:
"Are you going on the Oregon trail with those covered wagons and oxen? How are you going to cross the rivers with those oxen? And watch out for those indians. They'll shoot arrows at you."
Atheism:
"Does that mean you hate God?"
Crime:
"The guy got his wallet stolen and knocked up."
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
airing my dirty laundry frustrations
What a fraking awful day...it's not like today was going well by any stretch of the imagination anyway. Between the coffee rush and subsequent crash and general neurosis and paranoia, I remembered that today just happened to be the worst day of the month---laundry day. You'd think that sorting laundry, shoving it into the machine, pouring detergent over the mess, and inserting a couple of quarters would be brainless, but it's anything but in this crappy grad dorm that I live in.
First, there are about 20 washers, about 19 of which work on a regular basis, and 20 dryers, about 20 of which don't dry. I'm wondering if this might be a slight problem. In the beginning of the term, I decided just to wash my clothing and hang it up in my room to dry. That worked wonders. My damp clothing gave my room a definitive Amazon rainforest feel. Of course, I didn't have enough hangers for my underwear and socks, so I spread a sheet on the floor and waded through undergarments for several days. The end result of this little experiment is that all of my M sized shirts could now comfortably fit someone who's XL, and everything else is stiffer than cardboard and feels like cardboard when I wear it.
Everything that could possibly happen has happened when I try to do laundry. It's like running an obstacle course with a loaded laundry basket. So many of my quarters have gotten stuck in the machine and gone to the evil laundry gods. Once, I was so out of it that I starting washing a load, then pushed in another rack of quarters for no good reason. I dread doing laundry, so I only face extreme and intense pain once a month rather than spreading the pain over the month...I don't go for strong torture methods. I prefer a bullet to the water drop torture method.
So out of the 20 dryers, three semi-work. We define semi-work here as drying half a normal load successfully. All of the other dryers apparently can handle a max of five pairs of pants. Five cotton t-shirts are apparently too much and still come out damp. I have never in my life encountered more useless dryers. I could seriously stand in front of my clothing, blow vigorously, and they'd probably dry faster than turning in these monstrosities. It's probably not a good sign that you can see the beads of condensation trickling down the inside of the glass door.
The whole trick is to snatch the three semi-working dryers. Otherwise, it's entirely hopeless. Today I was unlucky and had to wait for one dryer...which also turned out not to work. On top of that, I got bitched out by the girl whose wet clothing I took out of the dryer two hours ago. So I had to resort to only using one of the semi-working dryers and a couple of the non-drying dryers. Honestly, it would probably have been a better use of my time and money if I had just sent everything to the dry-cleaners.
Laundry is not supposed to be painful. I don't understand how I can take something this simple and make it into such a huge deal. Life can't be as frightening and complex as I make it out to be.
First, there are about 20 washers, about 19 of which work on a regular basis, and 20 dryers, about 20 of which don't dry. I'm wondering if this might be a slight problem. In the beginning of the term, I decided just to wash my clothing and hang it up in my room to dry. That worked wonders. My damp clothing gave my room a definitive Amazon rainforest feel. Of course, I didn't have enough hangers for my underwear and socks, so I spread a sheet on the floor and waded through undergarments for several days. The end result of this little experiment is that all of my M sized shirts could now comfortably fit someone who's XL, and everything else is stiffer than cardboard and feels like cardboard when I wear it.
Everything that could possibly happen has happened when I try to do laundry. It's like running an obstacle course with a loaded laundry basket. So many of my quarters have gotten stuck in the machine and gone to the evil laundry gods. Once, I was so out of it that I starting washing a load, then pushed in another rack of quarters for no good reason. I dread doing laundry, so I only face extreme and intense pain once a month rather than spreading the pain over the month...I don't go for strong torture methods. I prefer a bullet to the water drop torture method.
So out of the 20 dryers, three semi-work. We define semi-work here as drying half a normal load successfully. All of the other dryers apparently can handle a max of five pairs of pants. Five cotton t-shirts are apparently too much and still come out damp. I have never in my life encountered more useless dryers. I could seriously stand in front of my clothing, blow vigorously, and they'd probably dry faster than turning in these monstrosities. It's probably not a good sign that you can see the beads of condensation trickling down the inside of the glass door.
The whole trick is to snatch the three semi-working dryers. Otherwise, it's entirely hopeless. Today I was unlucky and had to wait for one dryer...which also turned out not to work. On top of that, I got bitched out by the girl whose wet clothing I took out of the dryer two hours ago. So I had to resort to only using one of the semi-working dryers and a couple of the non-drying dryers. Honestly, it would probably have been a better use of my time and money if I had just sent everything to the dry-cleaners.
Laundry is not supposed to be painful. I don't understand how I can take something this simple and make it into such a huge deal. Life can't be as frightening and complex as I make it out to be.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
ICA
The new ICA (Institute of Contemporary Art) in boston is rather small, but easy on the eyes. It's not the nicest building in Boston, but it's in a prime location by the waterfront. The views of the water from inside the museum is amazing.
If there's one part of contemporary art that I don't particularly care for, it's the AV stuff. I can do without the jerky camera movements and either meaningless objects falling on top of each other or ugly, earnest people puffed up in their own self-importance. Of course, there are entire movements of modern art devoted to Marcel Duchamp's canned excrement and porcelain urinals, but that's somewhat amusing...
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