December Doldrums

December has never been a great month for me. It's as busy as hell, trying to finish papers, exams, and grading up a storm. Then there are these pesky little single letters that ruined Christmases for years (not that I really celebrate Christmas), and even peskier letters that spell 'New Year's Resolutions,' which I choose not to recognize. To top it off (I'm not whining, really), I still manage to freeze to death under four layers of blankets at night. 'Tis the season to be frowny.

Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but the end of the year always begs for reflection. I'm hoping that this luxury will disappear once I go out into the real world (or the monotony will kill me). As someone who hates doing chores, thinking about everything that I've put off for the last three months gives me the chills. Take Christmas card writing. What's the point? I communicate with almost everyone whom I'd like to communicate with via email during the year. Writing cards to acquaintances seems awkward, especially when the two of you drift further and further apart. When do you stop? Two years in? Three?

The hardest part of the holidays is dealing with relationships . How do you reconnect with people who were once your closest confidants? How do you mend fences that can't be mended? This year, I quit. I'm done with unrealistic expectations and emotional minefields. Why should I be striving for a utopia that will never exist?